Hello friends,
Sabbatical comes from the Hebrew word shabbat (שבת) (i.e., Sabbath), in Latin: sabbaticus, in Greek: sabbatikos (σαββατικός)) which is a rest or break from work.
Although a sabbatical is a longer break, colloquially translating to months and months of break, I started with a 4-week break to understand my readiness for a sufficient swathe of time that was directly in my control. I did not want to impose a project on this break primarily because it would have ended up becoming a cause of stress for me and would have undid the very reason of this break in the first place.
While I am writing about my experience of 4 weeks of not ‘doing anything’, I am fully aware that taking a break this long at my age is a privilege I haven’t seen any woman around me exercise. My mother, in her thirty eight years of working never once took a holiday that wasn’t due to a health emergency or a health emergency in family. The prospect of her taking off on an extended break from work to ‘heal’ was neither in the landscape of thought nor was uttered as a passing phrase.
When she would have been the age I am, I would have crossed over from primary school to middle school. I would have exchanged our primary uniform of a mauve frock worn over a white cotton blouse to now a mauve skirt whose ascending lengths were proving to be an issue of torment for our teachers in our all-girls school. In my fifth standard, my mother was so struck by the domestic demands and her job that she told me flatly about her absolute inability to take the responsibility for my studies. I would now have to study by myself. Perhaps, that decision would have given some break to her?
Before I went on this break, I could feel myself spiralling down again. I was mentally exhausted and it showed every other day in some form of ache and pain. In the three weeks leading up to my sabbatical, I was popping pain killers almost every other day again. Every night one could see the wire of a heating pad dangling from where I would sleep and I would wake up nauseated. Things would settle down by the time of my work meetings and it would repeat all over again.
So immersed was I in the narrative of work and its meaning that I had never taken the time to disentangle my being from the productivity of my body and mind. In the last ten years and going back further, I had fully made myself believe that not working in an office for a job that was paying me would be the very definition of ‘uselessness’. This false construct of work as tied to the direct economic merit was not only going against my felt experience, but was actively dispiriting.
These four weeks were the first intentional break of my professional life thus far and I didn’t want to actively pass a judgement on it. So I have compiled a list of things I did in my 4 weeks of uselessness for you to form your own judgements.
Went on a drive 423 Kms away from my place passing through the majestic western ghats
2. Drew by the beach side for two weeks every day
3. Documented the patterns of sand bubbler crabs
In sandy beaches of certain tropical beaches in Indo-Pacific lives a tiny crab whose feeding habits creates intricate patterns consisting of thousands of sand balls on the beach.
When the high tide goes off, these crabs start to nibble on the thin coating of organic matter on sand grains. Can you believe it? They nibble on the coating of organic matter on grains of sand! As they keep burrowing deeper into the sand, they keep nibbling and pressing the excess into a ball which they kick out of their burrows.
The result are gorgeous patterns of sand balls on the beach.
4. Saw the evening blending into night
All photos were taken a few minutes apart.
5. Re-read a book and drew a project from it
I am fascinated by words and love to incorporate it into my drawing work. While re-reading The Collected Schizophrenias, I highlighted text - passing passages, beautifully constructed phrases for a drawing project I will be undertaking on the book.
6. Witnessed the great conjunction
A great conjunction is a conjunction of the planets Jupiter and Saturn, when the two planets appear closest together in the sky. Great conjunctions occur approximately every 20 years when Jupiter "overtakes" Saturn in its orbit. They are named "great" for being by far the rarest of the conjunctions between naked-eye planets
I was extremely lucky to spot this event with the naked eye (along with some help from a star gazing app) The photographs from my phone didn’t come out well so these are the screenshots from the star gazing app confirming that it was indeed Jupiter that we were looking at.
12. FONDEST SUNSET
My mother has never been to Goa or to a beach city. We had made plans for her travel now that she is no longer working but 2020 came along and did what it did to everyone’s plans. One evening as I was strolling along the beach at sunset, I decided to video call mom. As I flipped the camera towards the beach, her excitement at seeing the setting sun was evident. So that evening, I kept the video on as she saw a sunset on the beach for the first time. As the sky kept changing colours, I kept showing her the waves, the sky and the last rays of the setting sun.
It wasn’t any close to what she would feel seeing the real thing - but the way she reacted on even witnessing it with me on a video call was extremely precious.
7. Slept for nine hours. Every single day!
Somedays, I would have slept for more. Who knows :)
8. Started running everyday
I am glad that I discovered running and that discovery happened on a beach. I started running early morning barefoot on the beautiful beach and loved the feeling. I used to be concerned about the impact of running on my already inflamed body, but given that I was eating healthy, was not stressed at all and was meditating, running proved to be a beautiful form of exercise.
9. Made my acquaintance with Ruth Asawa
By a stroke of luck as I was ordering a few books online, a book on Ruth Asawa caught my eye. I hadn’t known about her or her work and given that it was a weighty book, had decided to chug it along for my Goa stay. For the first week of the break, I was curled up in the life of Ruth Asawa, her questions on identity and her insistence on living on her own terms.
This is the book I was reading. Everything She Touched and would recommend it to anyone who wishes to make an enquiry into a gorgeous hand made life.
Image taken from ruthasawa.com
10. Spent an afternoon in an independent bookstore
When it comes to bookstores, I can never get out of it fully content. You can leave me for two hours or twenty minutes, I’ll only come out grumpy at all the shelves I couldn’t see. I absolutely have to scan almost every book before deciding to move on. Could it be a disease? May be so! So when I took an entire day to visit the Literati Bookstore and Cafe in Calangute. I didn’t have anything else planned for the day and given the size of the bookstore, was able to scan the collection twice :D
11. Finished reading a book in two days
Because I have mentioned this in my highlights, you would know that this is important to me. Not for flexing that I can read through 300+ pages in two days but for the stretch of time and consistent focus that tends to slips so fast nowadays. It felt really really nice to not do anything but just sit down with a book engrossed in the story and finish reading it without any distractions (other than long naps).
13. Discovered the quiet magic of flaneuring
In the apartment complex where I stay, every evening hoardes of neighbours come out for their evening walk. It is a small complex and people keep walking around in the complex in circles. Going in circles round and round sometimes for hours. I did that as well. During the lockdown, getting out was not possible but when it is now, I did understand it was a peculiar habit. There is an entire world to be discovered in the neighbourhood. New shops keep mushrooming and shutting, there are florists and fruit sellers on bicycles, houses with overgrown gardens and sounds and scents of varying degrees.
Why did I keep walking in circles? Why didn’t I walk in my neighbourhood instead?
I changed that in my break. Flaneuring is the act of strolling or simply a mindful wander. During the break, I started on long, sometimes solitary walks in Goa and around my house.
14. started a book giveaway and gave away 70% of my wardrobe
I have had a very patchy relationship with fashion. Growing up, I never really cared much about it and now as a grown up (aargh), I find it at best a functional obligation so far. Even then, I had a cupboard full of clothes most of which were not worn or ones that I kept for the time I was going to trim down. I just said goodbye to them and packed them for a giveaway.
My aim for my wardrobe is to limit it to 10 items per season. Given that I stay in a city which is summers the entire year round, I need to trim down my wardrobe considerably. I am still in search of a good capsule wardrobe to follow and would continue on this journey of simplifying this year.
With books the relationship is more love-love making it harder to part ways with. I picked up the books I had read and I was sure I wasn’t going to read again and started a book giveaway. Posted them on my instagram stories and just gave them away to readers in my city. Did that for 30 books so far and I have lots more to give!
15. DREW EVERYDAY
Drawings are still packed in the sketchbooks and need to be put into through the raging laser eyes of my scanner. Those would follow.
So yeah, this is the record of my useless moments over the last four weeks. I am leaving you all with two pictures - a morning and a sunset that I witnessed from where I was for two weeks.
I wish you a year that is intentional, deliberate and has room for growth. Happy 2021!